((((((Lilalkie))))))
Lots of good information in the Big Book. Seems like it was written about others, lol just like me. ;-) Glad to hear you're seeking a Sponsor and opening up our Basic Text in seeking some honest answers. By the time you read this...... Congratulations on day 6!
Having a Sponsor helped me to answer for myself the questions you pose. Between him and the Book I found some pretty clearcut directions on how to proceed. When I went through them off the wall instead of out of the book with another who had also, I got "off the wall" sobriety. It was fleeting at best, dangerous at least. I was beat up bad enough to take direction after having lost my first sponsor(fellowship only) and another one of my friends(another of his sponsees in fellowship only) to our Dis"Ease".
Today, I know deep down that it was then that I lost all lurking notions of being able to drink with impunity ever again. Following their funerals, I found a compassionate, yet very hardcore Sponsor in AA's full Circle & Triangle. What a godsend that gentleman turned out to be. Tough to find Sponsors willing to offer the full meal
deal these days and humble enough to offer the original instead of their own programs, but definately worth the efforts in seeking them out from my perspective.
Keeping you in thoughts and prayers.
Kiss Heart of Spirit In Love & Service
Three Legs
:tri