Muffin, your story is certainly horrific, and I feel for you. But everyone has a story. I read those stories here on SR and I hear them in AA. Some are certainly not as horrific as yours; others are even worse. And yet these folks are SOBER. What made the difference for them? That's a good question.
My mom and dad were alcoholics too. My dad was a headstrong, verbally/emotionally abusive man who insisted my mother drink with him, so she did. After a car accident, in which my mother was driving drunk with my father (I'm giving you the short version of this story), they lost their business (my dad was a lawyer), home, cars, money, EVERYTHING. Ended up in a tiny apartment in Florida where my dad sat in front of the TV drinking every day and my mother joined him. Numerous hospital visits for both of them due to alcoholism. My dad slowly slipped into alcohol induced dementia and my mother was following him. After he became delirious, incontinent and almost comatose, my mother finally had him admitted to a nursing home. He passed last March, just shy of his 90th birthday. I'm glad he went sober, though alcohol destroyed much of his brain.
My mother endured colon cancer (alcoholism-related) and a host of other health problems before finally getting sober after my dad went into the nursing home. She was in her mid-70's at the time. For the first time in decades, she is now enjoying an active life with friendships and church, and is enjoying much better health. I never thought I'd see the day.
My point is, there is always an opportunity to overcome the tragedies in our lives. Everyone has them. The difference between those who overcome and those who don't is something you need to figure out. You may think you're weak and it's time to give up, but I don't think so ... reading all you've been through, it's clear you are a survivor, even if you've been using alcohol to get through the day. You're still trying to fight through this. I don't believe you want to give up, but you don't know how to go on either. Certainly you have at least one thing you want to live for?