I feel for you, so sorry for all you have been through,I know how it is to have two a parents. i was sort of struck by the last words of your mom to you-see the kittens. she did not curse, or ask for a drink, or strike out, she showed that she felt tenderness, and caring in her heart. and wanted to share that sweetness with you.
I am 60 also. and have not even a silver set to pawn, but i would also, if it was to feed my critters. what will they do without you? what will this world do if you are not here, to be the one and only you that we have? i feel you survived for a reason, and you sound like a strong woman, who is very down and sad. I hope that you will live your life to the best of your ability, find an aa meeting, and make some aquaintances to help you through. i think that we help each other so much, that no one can do it alone, not as well anyway.
hang in there, you are doing it, but this is a rough time. life is about the good and bad times, and making it through. you have a lot to share, and a lot of experience that will help others. thank you for sharing.
chicory