A friend of mine got serious about getting sober at 65, did the stuff that works and hasn't drank for the last 14 years.
What you wrote is a long rationalization to drink again, that you're the victim of your childhood and parents and the weather and therefore must drink and only you can understand what you went through and it's easy for others to stay sober who didn't have your tough life.
Lot's of sober folk would have once killed to have your easier childhood and life instead of theirs, even with the falling 6 ft trees.
It's never too late until it is too late. You're able to go to the pawn shop and conduct business, so you're able to go get some effective help but to this point have chosen not to.
I don't understand completely your attraction to continued drinking and suffering but that's your choice to make. It would be better if you're more upfront with yourself about turning your back on living a better and happier life because you think you want to continue making yourself miserable. It's not about hearing ice tinkle and downed trees at all. Without a solution you'll do what you have to do, like any other alcoholic.
What you want to do is to convince others it makes sense when it makes no sense at all, and you well know that deep inside. The thin veneer of rationalization you're offering is transparent even to you after all this time, and certainly is to others.