I'm sorry for your struggles and I'm sorry you feel that way Muffin - I really hope you'll change your mind though....
My life's been pretty hard in a lot of ways too - I was born disabled and, frankly, life's been more or less a constant struggle in one way or another.....
I used that as a reason to drink for many years too - but drinking made nothing better, not really.
What did make things better was
not drinking, working hard on making my life what I wanted it to be, and a little faith and patience.
The last 5 years of my life since I gave up drinking have been amazing - even in the bad times, and there's been a few of those.
My life's not much better materially - but in those intangible ways (like how I feel about myself, and how I see the world and in just plain being happy for the first time in my adult life) - it's been a seismic shift.
I really hope you give yourself the chance to experience that too
Noones doomed - and it's never ever too late
D