Hi Zorah (and Skip),
I've never heard where you have to say you're an alcoholic, especially in open meetings (which in my area are most of the meetings). When I first started I just said my name. You could also say you have issues with alcohol, you're a problem drinker, you're not sure, etc. In my experience, no matter what anyone says they are always greeted and welcomed.
As far as determining whether or not you are... I struggled with this and honestly I myself don't label it "alcoholic" really, I just know that I have issues with alcohol and that is enough for me to not drink and to work on myself. I first went to AA at my counselor's suggestion. I told her (not even completely honestly, just some of the stuff) some of the issues I was having/ my worries about perhaps drinking too much, and she said she didn't think I was an alcoholic but I could be headed down that road if I didn't make some changes. She suggested I check out AA and see what it's about and if it could help me. I remember for a long time wondering what she meant about not being an alcoholic but being headed down that road... I've come to decide that she meant it's a progressive disease and a slippery slope. Many "hard-core" stereotype alcoholics were at one time social, casual drinkers, then problem drinkers etc. And the stereotypical hard-care alcoholic isn't the only kind of "alcoholic" there is. IMO if alcohol is having a negative impact on your life, it is causing you problems and if AA helps you then you should keep going back and don't let what you call/label yourself get in the way.
For me now I almost welcome the chance to say I'm an alcoholic because, as you mentioned, denial is a big part of the disease and so many times I feel my mind slipping back into thinking "I'm fine, I don't have a problem." So I need to stay connected to AA and I need to keep admitting to myself that I am powerless over alcohol, because I know, when I'm rational about it, that I really am. To me being an alcoholic is about the way that alcohol affects me -- it doesn't mean I'm a bad person or weak etc., it just means that some people can drink alcohol and live a normal life and not be obsessed with it but for me it doesn't work that way. It affects me negatively and becomes the focus of my life and my negative coping mechanism. So I am really grateful I have a place I can go full of people who understand.
Best wishes to both of you. I wish you well on your journey.
