Welcome intjuniper -
I'm so sad for what you're going through, but glad you're here...... I agree with what Bonnie said about putting yourself (and sobriety) first. It's amazing what can happen when we get sober and start tackling things one day at a time. It doesn't even have to be big steps - just start with a phone call or two.
There are resources out there: AA is one, but there might be low cost mental health services or other government services you could take advantage of. You took a step today just by reaching out here......
Things really can get better.