Windblown

So sick and tired of the lies, deceit, sneaky drug use, half azs attempts to pretend to get clean. We are going to a marriage counsellor Thursday but my heart isn't into it. He went to a meeting tonight and invited me and I thought it totally rocked. I felt so much love, compassion and strength from those folks. All those clean and sober men are starting to look real good. My husband was unfaithful to me last week...though he lies about it...I never will know the real story. I have never even looked at another guy but something in me is starting to see other sober men as quite attractive. I'm so fed up with spouse I don't care if he gets sober or not...I am. I want out of this marriage. I know it will be difficult but nothing like what I have lived through this past year. He says he is going to get sober His own way...well if that means more relapses, one meeting a week, a drink or a joint every now and then...forget it. I feel like I am already gone. I have given it a year and he has made no attempt until today. There are so many beautiful, healthy, kind people out there and I am ready for a change. I know I am angry right now because I expected after one meeting he would be all jazzed like I was....but he was a grump. Heck with it. Sorry I'm ranting but enough is enough. I am starting to love myself and take care of the baby that needs nurturing. The baby is healthier and she isn't putting up with anymore abuse because she loves herself and has enough faith to know her life could be a lot better without this powder snorting stinky footed man!