Honesty would seem to be quite important in your case. The fact that you are able to acknowledge that you went for a bottle after AA meetings is a good start. You have had HUGE losses, so reality is not something that you wish to face. That’s quite understandable. You have been dealt a really bad hand. However, at this point, there is nothing so bad that a drink wont make worse.
If you can turn things around, you will be an inspiration to those who one day hear your story, and somehow I think you can…………… but the bedrock for that beginning is complete honesty.