Hi and welcome intjuniper.
I'm very sorry to read your story and I'm sorry for the pain and sorrow.
I think there comes a point tho when we have to say enough, draw a line in the sand, and decide not to hurt ourselves anymore.
I think support is very important, and you'll find a lot of that here
As you'll soon discover, there's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
I recommend you visit the
Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.
I also think it's important not only to get support in dealing with your drinking, but dealing with the events in your life as well - have you had any counselling at all intjuniper?
D