Are you sure you're not waiting yourself out to see if you can make it before you commit to meetings, in fear of public failure?
If that's the case, understand that's not the right way of thinking. The meetings are your tool for success, not a gradient to be judged against. You're only hurting yourself by not taking advantage of them.
I understand shame - and the fear of shame. But please remember - everyone there is just like you. They're not going to judge you. They're there to help themselves, and in the process, hopefully impact others lives in a positive manner. You should do the same. Help yourself.