dealing with a relapse
my boyfriend, whom i live with, went to a 30 day inpatient program for heroin after i told him i couldn't be with him unless he got help. the first couple weeks i was quite miserable, worrying that it wouldn't work, that he may leave me, that he'd realize he had only been using me, etc. i finally found this site and started focusing on myself, realizing that i too had a problem. long story short, things were great the first couple weeks he had been home. i felt like i was falling in love with him all over again, only this time it was the real him. this made the first slip up more devastating than i could have imagined. he had been sober almost 60 days. i could tell right away he was very remorseful and ashamed of what he had done. he told his sponsor and continued his outpatient and going to meetings so i was hopeful that it was just a slip up. unfortunately it happened again two weeks later and yet again last night. through reading threads on here, i realized that i am working harder at his recovery than he is. i drive him to his meetings, i nag at him to call his sponsor, i urge him to call people he's met at meetings instead of hanging out with old "friends." i was talking to my mother today, who is a recovered alcoholic, and at first i was asking questions like, should i still let him use my phone to call his sponsor? should i still take him to meetings? how will he get back on his feet without me? (i locked him of our apartment last night and don't plan on letting him back until he can prove he's sober) she asked me how he got money to get drugs since he's been out of a job since he came back from rehab. in all honesty, i have no clue how he managed to get high, but he had to have put a decent amount of effort into it. he has no car, no phone, no money.. i came to a bit of a revelation during this conversation. if he can find a way to get high, he can find a way to get to a meeting and to stay sober. right? i know i need to hold him more accountable and to stop trying to manage his recovery.. it's HIS journey. i'm just having a hard time detaching myself from the situation. a big part of me still feels he needs my help to stay sober. i know my thinking is incorrect since even with my help he's relapsed.. i would really appreciate the advice of others who have been in my position. thanks for listening