I don't know if you like to read but I read Beyond the Influence & the Big Book from AA. I downloaded free from their website. Then I read through some of the AVRT threads & AVRT in a nutshell online free. It helped me.
I got to that point of I would do whatever it took to get sober b/c I knew alcohol was going to kill me physically or mentally by suicide. It made me so miserable. I'm sober now 9 weeks. I am not depressed anymore & have peace. You can do this. Life can be beautiful. I know it seems impossible. But I'm living proof.