Thank you all so much!
Impurrfect- 5 years? That's amazing! Great job!
I've been an addict since I was 15, and with the exception of a few weeks here and there and the 5 months that I stayed sober around 3 years ago, I have been in active addiction since then. I want to turn this around before I do more damage to myself and the ones around me. One day using out of 3 is better than 3 days using, so I'm going to start over tomorrow. It's time for this to end.
And I know that whatever will happen is going to happen whether or not I'm there. They made their own choices. But I can't shake the feeling that I could prevent something from happening. I've always felt like the adult at home, even as a small child. I feel immense guilt if I'm not there. But I also know that staying there just keeps me sick.
least- Yes, I have considered an addiction counselor. That would be awesome. The only issue is finding the money to go. I don't really know if there is any assistance that I can get because of my assets. When my dad was on hospice, my name was put on our properties and vehicles. But due to the stress I've been under, I lost my last job when I had a breakdown and I don't feel that I am stable enough to work so I have no income.
Dee74- Yes, if we want to change we do have to make changes. If I want to get better, I have to do the work. I know it wont be easy but it's necessary now.
I know I will never be able to touch pills/opiates again, and I know that it's something I will always have to be upfront with people about to keep myself accountable. I'm fine with that. But I'm also afraid. I'm sure you all get why. Sobriety is a world unknown... but I think I'm ready.