I have to agree with ((Anvil)). You are NOT turning your back on him. If you leave, you are allowing him to deal with his consequences, you are giving him the dignity of living a life he chooses.
I distanced myself from my family when I was using. Yes, I called dad when I was locked up (get me OUT!) etc., but there came a time when he couldn't, and even if he could? He'd had enough. I thought that was my bottom. I got clean...for the better part of a year, but then I started "dabbling" in crack again, it got worse and I relapsed. I lost what little I had gained back of my life in that year.
I will FOREVER be grateful to my family. They let me dig a really deep hole of addiction, they've allowed me to figure a way to get myself back out of that hole. Yes, I am back living at home (at 50 years old), stepmom is an A/ACOA/codie, dad has become a codie, and here I am...working my recoveries (addiction and codependency) as hard as I can.
I recently celebrated 5 years in recovery. There is absolutely NO WAY I would have that if my loved ones hadn't said "I've had enough..I can't do this any more". Oddly enough, at the end of my relapse? Those were the exact same words I said.
My XABF#3 (yeah...slow learner) died from complications of the addiction we shared. I've recently reconnected with friends who still work with XABF#1, and when I told them "I felt like I could fix him" they assured me...he's STILL not "fixed". #2? I have no idea, I assume he's still using crack, despite 2 heart attacks, and 13-stepping females in AA (like I allowed him to do me).
I love my stepmom, no doubt. I just have to not let HER addiction affect me. It's not easy...we live in the same house, she lies, I know better, arguments ensue, I take a drive. There are places I can go, but I can't take my cats, and (long story short) they are my living amends to the cats I left because of crack.
I spend a lot of time here. If my recovery is seriously at jeopardy? I come here. I have enough money saved that I can go to a motel room for a day or two if need be. However, I've been able to get dragged into the drama, come here, get re-grounded, and keep doing what is best for me.
I will also tell you...my niece is 18, and has been SEVERELY affected by my stepmom. There are times she hates me, because I set boundaries and don't play the "poor baby, she lost her mama to a car wreck when she was one". She has dabbled with drugs and alcohol. She is 4th or 5th generation ACOA. She is also 2 months pregnant, and I pray to God, that her bf's family (who are good people) have more effect on this baby than my stepmom. I don't want to see another child be raised the way she was.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy