Originally Posted by
Blacklisted 
When I pray for willingness I'll study and take some practice tests online and get into the zone, and as soon as I get into that zone I get spiritually complacent and it stops.
I have been sober for ten months but I feel like I'm not where I should be and I'm looking for insight! If it wasn't 1AM I'd talk to my sponsor about it... Maybe that's an excuse but any advice is appreciated.
Living sober day to day teaches all of us we are fantastic achievers when we put all we got into whatever we're doing. We rock. One of the many responsibilites that goes with being successful is understanding ego. My ego today is throughly sober tested and versatile, but it took several years of failures and successes both as a drinking drunk and as a newly sober drunk to get to that place of enjoying a sober ego.
So I know about myself when in the *I can do this zone* I can often so get going with all my dreams and wants so at my command kinda thing based on my earlier successes get so ahead of myself that i become more interested in being the dreamer then in bringing it all home and making it a reality in my real day to day life.
What the hell did I just say? lol.
Thinking and doing are not the same thing is what I'm saying.
When I over think whatever I often also talk myself outta the very thing i was so on fire for and when that happens i know for sure my ego is playing me like a fiddle. And the reverse I can start and not finish -- or even i can start and realize i'm just being ego-centric and best to stop ASAP and begin some damage control.
I myself don't accept that spiritual complacency really is something that exists. I'm more for once spiritualism has been experienced we are either moving forward or moving backward, but that we're just hanging around waiting for the next epiphany, not so much.
We may not want to face we're moving backward spiritually as our practical lives move forward, but I can say that looks can often be deceiving, and ego is not something to play with even though we all love to play with our egos.
So if your not where you think you should be, then by all means don't be where you are, okay? Throw away that "should be" thing of course, and look for something to hang your dearest hopes on and steer for those stars ASAP. Check yourself as often as needed (ego-centric dreaming) and do whatever it takes to get back on course. Even though the sea may look presently calm within your limits of vision, there is always always something coming your way from behind you, and from ahead of you too, you know, so be prepared either way, and its all good (can be) has been my sober experiences.
Congrats on your 10 months!