Yes, Thumper. He made promises that he'd not take me for granted anymore. I told him not to make promises he can't keep. "Oh, but I will keep them", he says. Okay, time will tell. I know that in that moment he really does have good intentions. But you know what they say about good intentions....the road to hell and all that.
The reason I can be somewhat calm and collective and reflective of all of this is because I was married for twenty years to an abuser. He didn't drink, but was abusive in every way possible none-the-less. I've read and re-read "Codependent No More". Think I'll have to dust it off again.
The thing is I'm really a pretty independent person these days. I just didn't know if ever an alcoholic really does hit a place and say "yeah I need a change". This is the song he's singing. He's making this change for himself. He doesn't want to be a stupid little man. He wants better for himself. I did ask him if he's doing this for me, for the relationship. Had he answered yes I would have ended it right there because that is the wrong answer. I don't want him to do it for me.
Last weekend when we were talking about it he said he knows I didn't "put my foot down" to be hurtful. He said I had every right to set a boundary there. Then he said he knew I was only looking out for his best interest. To which I responded, "You need to understand, I'm looking out for MY best interest as well." The look on his face revealed he was a bit shocked by that, but I've developed an honesty being the best policy approach.