Soul searching
My dad says he's been soul-searching, but that he hasn't found it.
"Are you angry with me? I'm not asking you to contact Mom for me, or to take sides. I know I have really screwed up and Mom won't forgive me. I'm really feeling down and lonely. Just want to know I haven't lost you and (my brother). Though I wound do anything to have Mom back. I'm just really upset now as to how much she hates me!! I really screwed up!! And I've been soul searching, but I haven't found it!!"
Just what does he expect to find?