4MyMel

I like when people share stories. I don't like reading the Big Book. I don't like how every meeting I've been to, there are people counting days. I'm a perfectionist and a black/white thinker and counting days drives me crazy. I know I don't have to do it, but it's in my face everytime I go to the meetings.

I know why I drink, I know the underlying factors (been to therapy enough), I just never wanted to stop and deal with the day to day. Alcohol helps mask ALL my feelings - fear, anxiety, worry, regret, sadness, happiness etc. If I drink I don't feel these things. When I don't drink they all creep up on me and push me over. I know I need to learn to deal with emotions and I don't feel that AA has or will help. I need to feel and when I go to AA, I still can't reveal myself completely and therefore I'm back to square one.