Originally Posted by
Wing 
Aww... I have been reading a lot about drugs and alcoholic for a month. And I'm reading this forum every nite in bed. I feel like I'll become expert oneday, even though I have never touched drug myself (forgive my exaggeration). I still believe that my ExAbf is a good person. So, I'm trying so hard to figure out what are the causes of his addiction and confusion and his inability to deal with life. If it a problem?
I figure out the possible causes as below, base of the childhood and teenage experience he has told me.
1) Family problem - his mom was sharing weed with him since he was 11. His parents are totally different that they divorced at that time.
2) he probably has Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) which is proved to be related to addiction. He told me that he can't be concentrated at school. He quited at grade 10 and grade 12 and went to special school. He left his mom after school and planned to be a bum and snowboard all the time.
3) he claimed that he had depression. It's probably from ADD and Borderline Personality Disorder?
& the problem is that... the above possibilty is calling my compassion!!! When I have the above thoughts, I start to feel that he's a victim and I should have be more understanding despite of the unacceptaible chao he gave me... He always said "u just don't understand." / "it's not easy" / "I have really hard time" / "u think that i'm not trying?" / "u hate me?"
What to do? Stop reading the possible causes and focus on my recovery after all the drama? I'm seeing social worker once per 3 weeks. But perhaps it's not enough?
When will I forget him..
Wow...this is an interesting topic.
For the past couple of years, I've kept a journal, and this journal included all the zany antics of my AXGF. Concurrently, I had email correspondence with my clinician about everything that was going on. Around the time things with my AXGF got really bad, I read a couple of books on Borderline Personality Disorder. And when I was done with that, and then going back through my journal and all my emails with my clinician, I had a very complete picture of my AXGF. The mystery was gone: I was dealing with a very, very sick person. For example, after all my research was done, I realized that her threatening suicide was a twisted form of manipulation.
So, I understand you wanting to "understand", and I personally believe it can be helpful to know what it is you're dealing with. But you have to appreciate that just because you know what you need to know doesn't mean you can help or change the addict. My suggestion is, if possible, keep all that you now know in the back of your mind and now focus on you.
You'll have to unwind why you stayed with him, and that's not an easy task because that may mean admitting things about yourself you don't want to admit.
As my clinician would say, "Here's another f**king opportunity for growth."
Best of luck.
ZoSo