Originally Posted by
Sally1009 
Thanks. It's natural you should feel a little disconcerted, if not even somewhat jealous
Making amends is a vital step in recovery, and needs to be done for the alcoholic to move forward. However the relevant step does stipulate:made amends to such people unless to do so may cause harm. This seems to be harming you, so perhaps he could write his ex a letter?
Just a thought...
I was going to say write a letter too, but she
did say he did terrible things to not only her, but also her family. That is likely something that has been eating away at him for years and a letter won't let him see any forgiveness that would actually help him.
Thats a potential reason why he wants to do it in person. A letter or words over the phone may not help him move on, heck it could make it worse.