Originally Posted by
incitingsilence 
To be clear this is for anyone who it might help…yet specifically to kelly because, there are absolutes in this…
1. You know nothing if it isn’t yours
2. Hopping on ( in your head ) the using not using train will bite one in the ass.
3. If each side does not work totally on themselves then there is no chance at any together.
4. This is one of my favorites and a good question for everyone to ask themselves are you so sure you know what functional is, what healthy is?
5. Another one of my favorites. No answer is found about yourself if you constantly are asking all questions through another, what they are/aren‘t doing, what their actions mean or don‘t mean, why they react this way or that…looking at your reflection is a start, looking with brutal honestly will save you above all else.
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Thank you so much for that list!! I agree with all of those. My background is that my RABF used pain pills for 7 years. He has been clean for over 2 years. I also have other family members (including my mom) who are drug addicts and alcoholics.
My additions:
- I think also for me was to get out of my head the idea that everything would just be better if the addict stopped using. It's like I thought that all of the problems were due to the drugs. It took out the equation that the addict was using drugs because he wasn't dealing with other problems. So, when he stopped the drugs, he had all kinds of emotional things to deal with. These were the things that he had been avoiding while on the drugs.
It's not like there is a magical switch between the person on drugs and off drugs. After RABF stopped drugs, the habit of lying continued for awhile. It took awhile for him to become a more honest person. So, newly clean, he was still lying about important and unimportant things.
- recovery from anything involves work & time. I have been coming to SR for several years now. I have read lots of books on codependency, and read ACOA stuff daily. I learn more about myself all the time. I have good days and bad days. My life is better than it was when I first started coming to SR. However, it is not magically better. I can at least say that I am in a better place now than I was. It doesn't mean that I'm fixed.