I can't help but post something on here.
Here's a little background on me. When I met my boyfriend he was clean for 2 years (he was once addicted to heroin). About a year into our relationship, he relapsed around Thanksgiving of last year. He went to detox in January of this year, came home, was clean for about a week, and then relapsed again. I stayed with him through both relapses. At the end of February he finally admitted to me that he was doing heroin (which I already knew...he had track marks on his arms).
He spent a week at a detox facility, and is now on his 3rd week living in a sober house about 25 minutes from home. I see him once a week for a few hours. We are still very much together, we never broke up during any of this.
I posted on here a few times and people would tell me about the 1 year rule, and about how he isn't capable of being in a relationship right now and I should basically just walk away from the situation.
I love my boyfriend very much, but I had to learn to accept that recovery will be number one in his life, for the rest of his life. I try to think of it like this: If recovery isn't number 1 in his life, the chances of him relapsing again, and the chances of having to live through that hell that I just went through again, is so scary. I WANT him to put recovery first. I don't want to be first.
There is hope in keeping a relationship alive during early recovery. I'm living proof that it works. But detachment to an extent is necessary. Your boyfriend has to put HIS recovery before your relationship, and you have to put YOUR recovery first before your relationship. I think often times the loved one of an addict doesn't realize that they also have a road to recovery ahead of them. In order to be strong for him, in order to have a healthy relationship, you both have to be in recovery. Granted, your recovery will be from a codependent standpoint, your recovery will involve learning to detach to an extent, and learning about addiction. His recovery will be from the obvious...opiates.
Take it one day at a time. Don't hold unrealistic expectations for him. Let him work on himself and figure out how to keep himself clean.
I wish you both nothing but happiness and better days ahead.
<3