Thank you for all off the support, it means more than you know. I did a lot of thinking today. I am going to make some adjustments to my schedule so that I have more time to invest in my recovery. I felt defeated today, both physically and mentally. I have to put my sobriety first if I am ever going to get ahead in other areas of my life, so I suppose they can wait for now.
Its hard for me to understand why I did what I did yesterday. I think part of it was the loneliness really got to me. I wanted to go have fun with friends, it was a gorgeous day, and happened to be a major “drinking” holiday. I have very positive associated with that particular day. The past 4 weekends before this I was lying low, staying in by myself and watching movies. I white knuckled it a few times around friends who were drinking but I felt like I was exerting a good amount of discipline and was also somewhat uneasy about it. I thought I understood it, that I could handle it…but I didn’t. I knew the idea of it. The yearning for it.
Well I just keep going around in the same circles. Insanity = doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, right? I know what I have to do. I don’t want to make any declarations before I take action. I will keep up on here, as I have since I decided to start this journey.