I go to meetings daily, twice on Sunday, and am pretty comfortable sharing. But I had some pretty heavy S go down earlier this week...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ative-sos.html
and when I tried to share about it in Wednesday meeting I had a meltdown and basically balled uncontrollaby for several minutes, only able to get a couple sentences out, but it was enough and I got a lot of support after. Thing is, I felt a little snakebit about sharing these last 3 nights, as I almost assume the meltdown will begin again as soon as I start talking. I have talked to several folks in my network privately about what happened and that has helped greatly. But because I havent shared last 3 nights, I need to tell on myself about a couple smallish things that I otherwise wouldve shared at meetings.
1 - watched the movie "Young Adult" Thursday night, and (not spoiling anything) Charlize Therons character is basically a raging alcoholic having a breakdown during whole movie. Its an ok watch, but thing is all the drinking made me a little...I dont know...sad. Sad because of the finality of the decision to quit drinking I guess. I did not once consider drinking, or really desire to do it. I just felt empty after watching the movie & had to wonder if all this is really worth it...
I know the answer. But I just had to tell on myself for thinking that, then.
2 - was invited to an old friends St Pattys BBQ. And while it wouldve been normal for me, even in the worst of my drinking days, to stay sober at a good friends BBQ (I was big into solitary secret drinking), I gotta admit I had run things over in my head and had some bad thoughts about it. I DIDNT drink or anything. In fact, he pushed the start time so I just bailed entirely and went to my usual meeting instead (even picked up yet another service position possibly). But while the running the BBQ through my head beforehand, I pictured myself telling those couple friends who dont know I quit yet, that I did quit...and then also had the little devil on my other shoulder tell me, well if those friends that DO already know you quit dont show up, then no one there knows you are sober...I.e. no consequences if you did drink.
Anyways, I know had I gone I wouldve done the right thing and sipped H2O or whatever, but just the fact that that little devil on my shoulder even showed up...I had to tell on myself about.