Woke up sober, thanks to everyone here. I don't think I would have made it without you guys. I am so, so grateful to you all at SR and there is not even a word in the English language to describe the relief I feel for not drinking last night.
Last night really, really scared me. I keep seeing more and more that even though I am seven months sober I must change the way that I am living. What I wrote last night was the essence of how I have been feeling: "I am tired of doing what I am supposed to do and not having any fun." I think what I need to do is get out of my head, take care of things around the house, be grateful for what I do have, keep reading SR (which I spent hours doing last night) and find a recovery program. The only things that has changed since I quit drinking is that I don't drink, am not physically sick, and I don't have that feeling of impending doom that I used to walk around with all the time (you know, like what is going to happen next?) I realize that I need to take this to the next level.
I was sober 8 years, relapsed, then 9 years sober before my last 4 year binge before this era of seven month sobriety. I don't think I can handle starting over again, I really don't. And reading SR today, I again realize there are many that are going through life situations far worse than me. I hate to admit it, but I was feeling sorry for myself. Ugh! Last night was another example of how serious and relentless alcoholism is.
So I am going to pull up my bootstraps and get to work. Thanks for all the encouragement last night, and for the threads I read all night long. Much love to all of you.