hello again and thanks to everyone who posted.
first off, IvanKatz, i think your second post was directed towards someone else, the person who posted after me. named corey. maybe it was just addressed wrong but ya.
soo here we are again. as my last post said, i had been 5 days clean and just broke down and scored some. thats all it took. i dont even know how many days its been but probably a week or so. i was stuck back in that haze, that cycle of hell. DAMNITTTTTTTTTT. this is why the thread title was 'need help STAYING' off oxycodone.' i finally got some more suboxones and now have 3 8mg strips. i plan to use those to get thru the worst of w/ds. my last oxy dose (2 30's) was yesterday (thurs) at about 2pm. its now 1am saturday morning. i broke down and took my first half of a sub at about noon today (friday). i usually try to wait 24-30 hours because i know how well it works, almost like the worse you feel the better you will. but i was feeling bad enough at 22 hours and said f it. took another 1mg at about 4pm and then another about 7pm while working.
I have 2 veryyy nice shifts at work tomorrow and sunday. should pull 100 bucks a night easy and need that money so bad. only have half the month left to come up with the rent. tomorrow im waking up early for a meeting at work at 9, then have some errands to run before working 3pm-11pm. so with the suboxone and no spare time tomorrow should be another fairly easy notch on the belt. right now im technically still on day 2, but tomorrow around 2pm starts day 3 of being clean from that ****.
i have no support other than this board here. not that i couldnt get it if i needed it (i have one brother whos probably 15-16 months clean but went to a 13 month program). my family would support and do what ever needed to get me the help i need. my sister would do the world for me. but i cant do it. i have to be able to beat this. im sorry for not posting for a long time. i plan to stay updated as my struggle towards a clean life begins. once again tho, thank you all!