Originally Posted by madisonblake

*snipped* 1. Their words do not match their actions.
I always had to pay attention to what he actually did, not what he said. And often they did not match up.

2. Your gut / instincts tell you something is not right.
The whole time. The warning bells were muffled at first because I was so infatuated in the honeymoon stage--very easy to ignore. Then they got louder and louder as the r/s progressed. By the end, it was a deafening siren, and I still managed to ignore it--until I was abruptly replaced.

3. They seem too good to be true.
Yes. He seemed super human in my eyes at first. The things he talked about doing in the future and the way he adored me was a rush. It felt like a fairy tale at the beginning--but ended like a horror movie.

4. They make villains of past significant others.
Oh yes. Never a kind word about an ex. In fact, he rarely mentioned exes (though he had a lot of them ). When he did mention them, though, he unleashed and they were painted blacker than black. No redeeming qualities, they may as well have been Satan.

5. They do not have many friends.
Mine had a handful of friends, but I did notice they were ALL relatively new friends. I never met any lifelong friends or friends from his past. It's like they didn't exist.

6. The friendships they do have seem shallow.
Shallow as can be. Every one of his friends were people who had a strong personality, money, or something that they could offer him. People he could mirror and use for his needs and triangulate with. I think his friends saw some of this and limited their interaction with him eventually.

7. They have an abusive and/or controlling parent.
Yep. Controlling for sure, and demanding. Maybe abusive, though i have no proof of that. Parents were image driven, social butterfly, perfectionist types. I think they made him feel that he never measured up. This part is sad to me.

8. They do not accept responsibility and are blameless for their actions.
Right on. Would always blame somebody else. The only time I saw him pretend to accept responsibility was a situation when appearing apologetic and pretending to accept blame would get him somewhere and there was no other option. It wasn't real, though. He never truly accepted blame or responsibility for anything.

9. Chances are they abuse alcohol and/or drugs.
Yes. Drugs, too, but mostly alcohol. I think, though, if he were dating a druggie or could get some use from a druggie, he would be one too.

10. They are secretive and hide things from you.
All the time. He would tell me something that I later realized was a lie. It was often small things that he seemed to lie about just to lie. I don't know if he felt a sense of control or what, but he just as quickly lie as tell the truth. He was a master of omitting information. He would tell me the trivial parts of something but ignore the important parts (particularly if they made him look bad).

11. They try to keep you to from your friends or family.
Yes! Person by person he isolated me from all of my support network. He would make me feel guilty for spending time with them or plant falsehoods in my head that would cause rifts between me and other people. Eventually, all I had was him.

12. They are physically attractive.
Amazingly attractive, one of the most handsome men I've ever seen. People would almost do a double take when they saw him and it was always one of the first qualities that was mentioned when he was discussed. It was stunning. Funny thing, though, I don't think he believed it at all. When I complimented his looks, he wouldn't really accept it. I got the feeling that he thought I was lying to him and it made him uncomfortable. If he would talk about his appearance, it was only to point out how fit and trim he used to be. Never anything positive now.

13. They lie.
Yes, about anything. As mentioned before.

14. They are impulsive.
Yep. Would save up a few dollars for something important then waste it on something dumb. Would starve himself to lose weight then eat an entire extra large supreme pizza and guzzle milkshakes. Would plan to work all day then impulsively go out and drink. Out of control.

15. They fall in love with you way too quickly.
Ohhhh yes. Very intense very quickly and moved in with me after just a few days of knowing me. I was swept off my feet. I never saw it coming.

16. They say what you want to hear.
Master at this. He knew exactly what to say to reel me in. Whether he followed through with it was always a real gamble, but it sure sounded good... And it worked.

17. They push you away and quickly pull you back.
Yes. Push/pull. It was all pull at first then push/pull then eventually mostly push. Then replacement.

18. You never feel completely secure about where you stand with them.
This one hits close to home. We could have a good night, then I would wake up in the morning and feel like I was on pins and needles wondering if he would be the same person I knew the night before. He could be so emotionless and stoic, I felt like every day I had to work to gain his love again. Like it wasn't sustained, but emptied out overnight and needed to constantly be proven and refilled. I also recognized that he was attached, but it always felt like he could leave at any time. A strange mix that i was never comfortable with. His appearance of indifference all the time threw off and put me on edge. Very exhausting.

19. They have evidence of self-injury.
Yes. Many scars. He explained them away, but I am not sure they were all accidental (though he was clumsy and often did hurt himself).

20. The s*x is amazing beyond belief.
Yesss. I knew he was well practiced but it felt like he was so in tune with me. I later saw it through a different eye and realized that it was really his way of dominating and controlling me.

21. They quickly cycle through varying emotions.
Yes. Could go from seemingly content to dysregulated in seconds and over nothing.

22. They have friends of the opposite s*x that make you uncomfortable.
Yes! He was "friends" with more slutty looking girls than I have ever seen. His friend list on Facebook looked like girls of Maxim. Even their profile pictures are seductive. My guess is he bedded these women or was trying to. Probably met them online. I always got the feeling that girls he was friends with were all bed partners. They acted too friendly, if you know what I mean.

23. They are always texting or chatting online.
Oooooh my god yes. Text, text, text, text. Never talking on the phone, but incessant texting. With me at first, then to fight with me later. If I would ever ask who he is texting so much, he would get defensive and lie about it.

24. They have distant, empty eyes.
Completely empty. I noticed this almost immediately. His eyes looked very sad, spaced out, or afraid. Never genuine happiness.

25. They have acute, unwarranted emotional reactions.
Overreactions. I never knew what was going to get him upset and the smallest thing would cause him to get all dysregulated. He couldn't shake anything off. It's like it ate at him.