Hugs, Tigerlily. It's possible that I shouldn't be responding yet; I feel rather emotionally charged about your post.... Please stop and wait. Before you make any commitment to give it another chance with him, wait and see. Watch his actions, don't just listen to his words.
I was devastated but knew deep down it was for the best because I'd endured a lot of emotional abuse
But for the most part, he treats me the same as he always did.
I left XAH once when DS was a baby. I left when his treatment of me and DS was 'just' emotional abuse and intimidation. He told me he was going to AA... he said so many things I WANTED to hear. I thought it was all related: his alcoholism and his abusive behavior. I thought that once he stopped drinking, he'd be better. I believed him when he said he was seeking help. I didn't *see* what he was doing while he was mouthing those words. When I went back to XAH, it changed, all right. It got worse.
The thing is, alcoholism and abusive behavior are two separate issues. Even IF he is addressing the alcoholism, it doesn't mean he will no longer be emotionally abusive. And just like alcoholism, abuse escalates.
Take care.