SKye 10 - We do have alot in common. My ex definitely had many of the borderline personality disorder traits. One of my mistakes was thinking that the drugs brought out these traits. Sometimes drugs do. I drove myself insane trying to figure out is this the drugs or is this a personality disorder, or is it both? Truth is, does it matter? I have to ask myself does it matter? It's still a bad situation to be in. I know he was diagnosed with Obsessive Complusive disorder. The problem is that he's lied to therapists in the past. BPD coupled with addiction is evil compounding evil.
I've also started reading on BPD forums this morning when I couldn't sleep and it's frightening how many of the same behaviors that he exhibited that others talk about there. It sends chills down my spine.
I guess what I'm saying is I finally got to the point this time when I said to myself, ok I pretended like if he just went to rehab and stopped doing drugs, everything will be ok. Well, it wasn't. It's his personality, his character on top of the fact that I am a MAJOR trigger for him. I dont think it's me personally, but anyone in a romantic relationship with him would be a major trigger for both the BPD and substance abuse.
I had a really tough morning today. I was up at 4 am :-( Started to get back to wondering well I really shouldn't have snapped at him, etc. I had to quickly stop those thoughts and remember this is NOT about me, not my fault, I didn't ask to be lied to agian, treated with hostility and insanity and didn't cause any relapse that may have happened. Posting here and on the BPD site is helping. I can right here at 4am and just started reading.