(((madisonblake))) - though my last bf is one of the 3 I shared addiction with, I got into recovery. I relapsed, ended up back with him and when he said some things, I knew I was done with using. I also realized that even if he had 5 years of solid recovery? I would never, ever trust him. Too much water under the bridge. A couple years later, he died..too busy smoking the crack pipe to go to a dr. for pneumonia. It could have been me.
Despite all the bad, I still went through grief..when I realized we were really, really DONE, then again when he died. I clung to this forum, some f2f family/friends and worked through it.
As far as don't they realize we see through what they're saying? Nope. When I was using, I believed everything I said, even though it was totally irrational. If someone attacked me and my drug use? I lashed out, deflected, whatever it took to take the focus off of me. Other times, I just said "I'm not ready to quit, get over it" which was a pretty hateful thing to say to my dad, who was in tears, had driven 1-1/2 hours to find me on the streets just to make sure I was still alive
I do have to say, NC (no contact) is the way to go. I made a list of all the reasons my ex was wrong for me, the things he'd done to hurt me, and I referred to it a lot. Even when I made a list of pros and cons, that pros list was pretty darned short.
I'm glad you're not isolating..used to do that myself, and then I got on here and now you can't shut me up! Seriously, though, reading through threads here, reaching out when I was struggling, helped a lot.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy