Sorry but what you said to her is extremely unhelpful in regards to her dad, IMO. She doesn't take up her grief with her dad because he's unavailable and has always been and it seems that you are available and there for her to talk to. That's a parent's job. I can understand about the complaining about not being able to sleep all day and party all night, I can see how that is selfish and would make anyone very annoyed because in that regard she does need to take responsibility. But please have a little compassion in regards to her dad for a child/adult who just had her life turned upside down and has never really had a consistent household till now. It's not just an adjustment for you, it is an adjustment for her too. Her life probably does suck right now--nothing is worse than family problems. Doesn't matter if you're away at school and not in the midst of it or not, you still think about it and grieve over it everyday. Lots of parents are really oblivious to how this affects their children...Does she know you're a safe person to talk to about the family issues? If you keep throwing "grow up" in her face she won't believe you are for very long. She can grow up but that doesn't take away the pain of losing a childhood and never having a real father.
Sorry if you disagree with me and find this offensive, but from my own experience that kind of reaction is less than helpful though I do agree with your stand on getting a job and being responsible and all that.