being in love with an active addict is like loving dr. jekyll and mr. hyde. you just don't know when or who will show up. and you can't control who will show up.
it's crazy making because all you want is dr. jekyll...but you can't do anything about it. you have no control over the other person's split.
what happened to me...I started to become split too. love/hate/love/anger/love/frustration/love/go away/dream/nightmare
after a while the decision becomes made for you
either recovery happens
or you get sick and tired of being sick and tired
and recovery, the hopeful choice that gets "made"... is not a walk in the park
just keep doing every little thing to take care of yourself, be assured that if you commit to caring for yourself your decision will come easier for you!