"If you are in a relationship with someone who has a relationship with a substance you have a rival with whom you cannot compete. You need to give some long, hard thought to the relationship; you need to make a careful assessment of what really exists versus what you would like to have exist.
If you are in a relationship with someone who is addicted, you will never be first choice. Period. The primary relationship the partner will choose and seek again and again at any expense will be the relationship with the addictive substance. You are not strong enough to overcome the power of the substance. You cannot compete successfully. You will end up hurt and probably broke. These relationships need to be put on hold until the partner is clean and sober, and you cannot force your partner to make that choice.
If your partner is addicted, you can't fix him until he is ready to fix himself. You can't make her get ready to fix herself. Your partner is the only person with the power to make these changes. You will not be able to make anything happen unless your partner is ready to make it happen. It's not your fault. You didn't break them, you can't fix them."
Bryn C. Collins, Emotional Unavailability: Recognizing It, Understanding It, and Avoiding Its Trap
Just sharing...
~T