tigerlilly4

My alcoholic ex-boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me when he entered rehab a year ago. He said he needed time to focus on recovery and couldn't handle a relationship. I was devastated but knew deep down it was for the best because I'd endured a lot of emotional abuse and hardship with him. It was like I couldn't bring myself to be the one to end it.

He relapsed after rehab and returned to rehab again. He is now sober 6 months. Four weeks ago, he told me he wants to get back together and told me that he's changed. He still lives with his parents. He's working part time now and trying to rebuild his career and life. But he hasn't been to an AA meeting in 10 days, and he hasn't been vigilant about taking all of his medications regularly. We have already started bickering, and he has insulted me several times in a matter of four weeks.

Writing this -- it seems ridiculous that I'm still even considering allowing him back in my life. Yet something keeps me stuck and I guess I need some advice/support/encouragement to let go? I love him deeply, but I don't think our relationship is healthy. I'm terrified he will eventually relapse...or relapse after we've gotten married, had children, etc. I'm still recovering from the $10,000 of debt he put me in when he was drinking.

I just needed to get this off my chest to people who understand what this life is like.