Originally Posted by
cynical one 
Helping is doing something for someone that they are not capable of doing themselves.
Enabling is doing for someone things that they could, and should be doing themselves.
Thanks cynical one, I think I've just realised I've been an enabler in one way or another all my life - still life is not over yet I'm only middle aged I may be able to change - whichever way though it's refreshing to see things in black and white.