One of the hardest things for me to learn is that my RAH is going to struggle with sobriety whether I'm around or not. My support and desire have little to do with whether or not he stays sober. His relapses weren't my fault, his sobriety wasn't dependent on me welcoming him back home. I dug in, got real comfortable with swinging between sadness and spitting anger, and tried to figure out what I needed to live my life without him. I got my own bank account, got a better job, tightened up my legal loose ends so my well-being, and our kids' well-being, isn't dependent on him. He's sober now, and our well-being still isn't dependent on him.
You don't have to decide what to do and do it all at once, but my thought is that when you're faced with an active addict, you need to be real real about what your life will look like if you stay, and what is possible for you if you decide you deserve better.
(You deserve better!)
xo