Hi Peaches,
Glad you a feeling better, it helps to talk about it. I know that when I was in this delima that only way that I could settle myself was to make legitimate boundaries for my heart. I had to harness myself to stay within my own limits. It is a very hard thing to do...our anger and frustrations get the best of us when things are out of place. We just don't want to accept the unacceptables. WHen I was quiet my AH thought that everything was fine.....well, after sharing with him exactly how I felt and how I needed us to work on things and all those things made no difference to him, I had to become firm and sure about my life and my daughters life. When I did that, I was able to let go. Not letting him drop the ball in my lap, like it was all me causing the dysfunction, I made sure that he knew his part in it. It is a process and things get really rough. Give yourself time to think about you, who you are and what makes you balanced then maybe he just may not be able to send you into those angry places.
You are doing well. Take care.