I think this is it
I have tried to quit drinking for over a decade now. I can not count how many relapses I have had in my life since I have seriously decided to stop. I have been in and out of AA so many times for the last 14 or so years.
Few months ago I've gotten a sponsor for the first time and started to seriously work the steps. I relapsed on my sponsor 4 or 5 times so far, last time was 10 days ago and it was a disastrous relapse with some irreparable damage.
I have gotten introspective and did some soul searching while hiding at home after this last screw up, figured out what was wrong with my program. I never had a God of my understanding. every time I worked the 3rd step; I really did not believe in what the step stood for as I always been agnostic. This time around I took the time to find and trust the God of my understanding. I reconnected with my sponsor, same sponsor who never gave up on me, and we are starting step one tomorrow all over again. Been sober 11 days now and I pray to God that this time is it.