Tendencies

So I've been sober now since November of 2010. That's when I joined SR. I have been in therapy too. I was a everyday drinking at the end with well established patterns. I was killing myself.

I found myself at the drugstore on Friday night in a shockingly similar situation as I used to get into at the liquor store.

I have been buying 4-5 cans of red bull each Friday after work so I can stay up late and play video games. The thing is I know that much is not good for me and I was doing this debate about not buying just like I used to about rye and wine etc. Don't laugh too hard as I lost the battle and bought the stuff anyway. I'm on a little high right now from the red bull.

What bothers me is that I"m doing the same things I used to do. Going to the store after work and buying something I know is not good for me. I'm doing it all by myself for the most part and locking myself away just like I sued to with the drinking.

I'm thinking I still have the same problem I had before except it's not booze this time. Yes I know its not nearly as damaging as the booze was but its the pattern and the feelings that are alarming me. It's very similar too the booze. I have also been binging on Candy lately too.

What is going on? I don't understand. I quit smoking when I gave up the booze cold turkey and I was a pack a day and two when I drank. I've been feeling so proud of myself for being on the straight and narrow.

I'm starting to wonder what demons I'm fighting that I can't come to grips with....