YOU are not stupid. YOU just forgot for a second (as we tend to do) that PEOPLE (and by "people" I mean actively abusing addicts) DO NOT CHANGE.
It's sort of like... just because it's been winter and you haven't gotten any mosquito bites in the past few months, you forget there are mosquitoes.
It's SO damn easy and tempting to treat your situation as if it were normal. I do that, too, just because AXH hasn't threatened to eviscerate me or burn down my house in the past six months or so. Oh, he must be all better!
What a jerkwad does and says in no way reflects on your value or worthiness as a mother, woman, and human being. You know that. I know you know that.
Don't make me come fetch you and force some Kaladi coffee down your throat.
I'm sorry you're hurting. I'm around this weekend with a few short commitments here and there. Let me know if you want to grab coffee. And next weekend, I'm all free. Coffee, a walk by the inlet, you name it, I'm there.