Rose,
I know how hard it is to do what you are trying to do. When I did this with my son it just made life so much easier and brought a lot of healing to our relationship.
Even though my son relapsed the positive gain in our relationship remains. It also freed me from worry and feeling like I had to control everything.
It takes a lot of effort to stay positive and not nag and complain. You can always come here and vent when you need to.
We're all ears.
Hugs,
MG