I am flippin stupid
I know, I know, I know, I KNOW better. D---! It's been so quiet lately, him (or the GF) paying all of XAH's past due 1/2 of the medical expenses for last year (which are supposed to be paid within 30 days, not a year later). Him at the same job long enough for the State to pull 2 partial child support payments. GF making sure pick ups and drop offs are within 15 minutes of the scheduled time instead of letting him flake on seeing DS. No more notes from the school saying DS punched one of the other kids (who, unless the kid is 2+ years older than him, is SMALLER than him). No e-mails ranting about taking all his money. No e-mails from her ranting about clothing, taking all of his money, or my poor parenting skills or me 'wanting her great man' back.
I thought it was settling out. I should know. God I should know. He's just waiting. And I fell for it. I did what so many of you told me not to do. Do not ask to alter the visitation schedule. Do not try to discuss parenting and visitation issues with him like he'll respond in any civil manner.
F---!
Conversation between DS and I
Mom, can you text Daddy?
What for, Sweetie?
Well. I want to spend Easter with Grandma. I really miss her. Can you ask Daddy if I can?
Sweetie, I'll e-mail him. But you should ask him if it's OK, too.
I did and he said it's OK, but you have to ask him.
I ignored the wording that I know is XAH's ("you have to ask him") and just heard DS say it was OK. I forget that what DS gets and what I get from XAH are likely very different treatments.
I sent an e-mail to XAH, noting my mom is going to be here and DS would like to spend Easter with her and that DS said he'd asked and XAH said it'd be OK as long as I asked.
What I get back is so subtle. No one - probably not even any one here or on the SA board that I post to - would call it emotional abuse even. And I don't want him back, I wish I'd never met him, much less want to be tied to him in any manner. But this hurt and it was meant to hurt.
XAH never called DS and I his wife and child. IF we were referred to it was by name, as if we were roommates. His co-workers were always taken back when I'd finally meet them and introduce us as TheUncertainty, XAH's wife, and DS, our son. Oh, I didn't realize XAH was married. He talked about a TU, but...... conversations petering out to embarrassed silence...
The response that I get back is a rude tirade about him having told DS it was OK, but they have plans with GF and all of the boys, who are his Family, for Easter. That's left me feeling like s--t scraped off his boots.
I thought I was doing better... but I fell for his cr-p again. It's been good, it'll stay good. He told DS it'd be OK. I feel so stupid. Like I asked for it like the court and my attorney had told me during and just after the divorce hearings.
Thanks for letting me write it out. I want to go curl up in a ball and never move again, but I have to get to work.... Hugs, please?