blackoutgirl

Hello everyone!! I haven't drank in a little over two and a half months. A few close friends are fully aware that I don't drink...and why...so I feel comfortable with them if alcohol is around. They usually don't question me or bring up anything unless I want to talk about it first.

So I made some new friends at my job...I use the word "friend" lightly...more like acquaintences that have potential to be friends. This is how last week went.

1. Co-worker and I realized that our birthday is a day apart. She says, "Oh that's great, we should meet up for drinks!!"

2. Some random guy didn't realize that I was in a relationship and asked me for a date. He says, "You should let me buy you a drink sometime."

3. Another co-worker is having a jewelry party and I got an invite. Wait for it...wait for it... Then someone says,"Will there be adult drinks there?" "Oh, hahaha, of course!! Sending the kids away for the evening too."

The date was easy to turn down, so that one isn't a problem.

I chose to be wishy washy with the other two. Said that I would look at my schedule and see if I have something planned. Since I'm so extemely busy you know (sarcasm). My plan is to just act like I have something scheduled and flake out on both of them.

In a way, I just don't think I'm ready to hang out with new people. I feel like this might be a trigger for me. My alcoholic voice was screaming at me all last week. Just do it!!! It will be fun!!!

Don't worry, I'm not caving in no matter what. I guess the moral of the story, is that the first couple of people I meet, and like, bring up alcohol as a way to hang out in one way or another. Huge turn off. Almost felt like a deflating balloon.

I just can't put myself in those situations, trying to manage stress and anxiety of meeting new people, while staying focused on not screwing up my progress.

I'll be able to get out of these situations for now, but I wonder how many excuses I will be able to come up with in the long run.

My first idea is to hang out with these people on my terms, doing something that doesn't involve alcohol, and on an individual basis instead of in a party type atmosphere. Then, I could disclose more personal information about myself, and base our friendship on something besides a liquor glass.

I don't know these people very well, not sure if they are social drinkers, teetotalers, whatever. I just imagine myself walking into a house party with a keg and unlimited alcohol selection. Worst case scenerio in my mind.

I do like to socialize but I feel like it's going to be a long time before I'm able to hang out casually with people I don't know very well and not drink. It's disappointing that I'm not able to do that, but the outcome of staying sober will be worth it.

Can't wait until someone invites me to do something that doesn't involve booze.