Hi Elle,
It was important to me to understand that the addiction, and the lies that allow for it, were a systematic illness. I think that unless you have been an addict it is really hard to wrap your head around the lying and manipulation. It is crazy making in a very painful way to try to make any sense of it from the outside. The best you can do is take care of yourself. If he decides to get clean he will eventually maybe just maybe figure it out, but it will take a lot of dedication and work on HIS part. In the meantime pat yourself on the back for beginning your journey of discovery for your own well being. I am attaching a link to an article about addiction, lying and relationships that I found helpful.
Addiction, Lies and Relationships
For me it was important to separate my breaking heart from his lies...somehow they were two different things. It allowed me to grieve for the love I was losing, to feel the pain of my heart and love and yet hold my boundaries strong that I would not allow my heart to be broken by his lies. We all find our way...whatever works best. Its all about self care and doing everything you can do to grow strong and healthy and peaceful. We all are given the precious gift of one life. Peace to you. I VERY MUCH suggest face to face meetings...we love you but we can't give you a hug.