Pigtails: Here's another way of looking at the “divided self”. Perhaps it would be helpful if I thought of my brain as a rather unique kind of computer. Unlike other computers it operates not only on electrochemical impulses but also by way of chemical reactions. These in turn may result in changes in my physical makeup (like altering my receptors). When alcohol is introduced into the chemistry for a prolonged period the chemistry changes, and this in turn may result in changes in the neurotransmittters and other neurological stuff. Thus the body and the brain “adapt” to the alcohol and build up a “tolerance”. If the alcohol is suddenly removed this amounts to an assault on the chemical “balance” and the brain automatically seeks to have the alcohol restored. It wants that constant back in the chemical equation. Initially this need makes itself known by the physical “discomfort” of “withdrawal”. But long after that has subsided, the brain continues to seek the missing alcohol, conjuring up all sorts of messages to itself like “Wouldn’t it be nice to have that wonderful “buzz” just one more time?” “Once more wouldn’t hurt” “If I felt it getting out of control again I could always stop it before it got worse” “I’ve been so good with sobriety that I deserve a little reward now” “Now that I’ve learned my lesson I can handle things with a little wine now and then.”
The self is “divided” and is its own worst enemy. The illness is progressive and gradually tightens its hold. Eventually the “self” becomes so enslaved by the chemical that something very drastic may have to happen before there can be any recovery. What is truly amazing is that there can be any recovery at all. But who can deny that after having met the many who have recovered?
W.