Thank you all
thank you all very much for your words of encouragement. As it turned out her new boyfriend didnt want her left alone with my BF anyway and gave them very little time to chat or for him to make amends. She let him know that she is still "searching" and that she feels a hole inside of her.. all this while her boyfriend was getting food. Still seems a little hinky to me, but I did let it go.
I have been to multiple al-anon meetings. Have not found one yet that does serious step work with sponsors. I am traveling tonight over 20 miles to a new meeting that is specifically geared to Adult Children, of which I am one, and hopefully will help me with my severe co-dependency issues.
I KNOW that I have serious trust issues and for the most part, with him, they are legit. Another question for the people that have more experience than I with the AA program.... it was my impression that someone in recovery was supposed to stay away from those that are actively using. My BF still works with his friend that gets drunk and high on the job while he is there (they are tradesmen) and also still regularly contacts (phone and text) the friend that regularly supplied him with drugs while he was supposed to be "recovering".
I am not approaching him about this as I am trying to let him work his own program as I am developing mine. (its really hard to change one's nature) But I also really dont want to be misled again, lied to again. Is it possible for an addict to be so good at lying and on the fence about recovering that he can keep his feet in both worlds? Im thinking not, but do I just sit back and let him do what he wants and hope I dont get burned again? He says that he is more willing to work on all those things that have just been sitting on the back burner all these years... like a real relationship.. one with depth and substance... I do want to support him and I do hope that there is a rainbow at the end of all these bumps. How does one tell what is truth? what exactly am I looking for in his actions that let me know its going well? I am not privy to all aspects of his recovery and I know he needs to have privacy with some of that.. so what is my cue to keep trying?