Originally Posted by wpainterw

Pigtails: Sounds like you're still a bit wobbly. Saying that you don't want to drink but then again you want to and wish it were possible to drink moderately now and then. This is normal recovery stuff. You're four months into your voyage and there are forces within your body and brain that want to drag you back into addiction. Best way to fight that (day by day) is to network with other recovery folk, including some who have had more sobriety time than you have. Talk to them and don't listen to the "stinkin' thinkin'" that sometimes bubbles up from the bottom of your brain. Don't give in to it. Keep at it and gradually you will find that the inner voices get fainter and fainter and you begin to feel more confident of yourself. But it's best to be very watchful of what I call the "divided self". And the more help you can get from others the better. AA is good if you feel comfortable with it- try not to toss it overboard without figuring out the good stuff, since there is a bundle of good stuff there built up from generations of experience. Counseling is good but I wouldn't rely on it exclusively. Long term sobriety never caught on with me until I got into AA and even then I had to focus on the parts of the program that seemed to make the best sense to me.
Well anyway, congratulations on a wonderful beginning! Don't worry about what other folks, like former drinking companions, think or what you think they think. You're the captain of this ship and they're just a bunch of bystanders. Some may envy you. Others will admire you. And you'll feel good about yourself. You'll be happy. Real happy! Good luck.

W.