hey hey Pigtails - what a wonderful place to be 4 months without the monster!
I'm about where you're at too time-wise. My guess is you're looking for that respite from the day and the stress and from your own thoughts? as opposed to, say the taste of the stuff?
I'm just going to echo what everyone else has said, stand your ground girl. I don't think of it anymore and it has freed up my mental energy to deal with things unbelievably. It's just miraculous.
Here's some good thoughts for you and hopes that you get here soon.
Hugs - NT