Dont beat yourself up...we all have to blow up sometimes....I am leaving my AH and I blew up on him Saturday night..my HP tells me I need to go..I feel that it is the right thing to do...but it still hurts when he lies and only looks to his needs...he is seeing someone already...had sex with her friday night..how do I know...we work at the same place and I read his email..he doesn't know that i can and he just continues to lie...I make it easy for him to tell me the truth...but he lies and it hurts so bad... Saturday I just blew up...he has had emotional connections with so many women over the years..and has been emotionally absent and draining of me. I finally said enought is enough...but it still hurts...it will be better when I can get away from the daily influence of his alcoholic hold that he has on me...but know and trust that you are NOT alone and your HP will guide you and support you...just ask. Good luck.